Okay I am just pretty pissed off. Two people back to back pissed me off so much that I need to vent it out somewhere.
We were talking about stand up comedy and he asked me if I have watched a particular artist’s show. He went on to say that he didn’t like it. The reason being the comic used a lot of adult jokes. I was a bit confused. He was perplexed about how that comic could talk about sex and various other stuff to an audience.
So basically he was offended that this guy was doing stand up comedy. When I asked him why he was getting so worked up he said “How could he talk about fucking? That is not stand up comedy. They should change the name to ‘How people fuck’ What is the difference between this and x-rated movies?” I did not get the logic. He himself was giving me nice examples. If people liked watching x-rated movies they go to the theatre screening it. If they don’t like it, they don’t. Right? So why shun this dude who has finally figured out to make money from telling jokes? He was saying that he saw kids in the audience. Some very elderly people and all. Okay? The kids were brought to the show by the parents who were pretty stupid to do so. And the elderly people are either there on their own or their kids dragged them there. So anyways its their problem right? So why is this guy arguing to me that stand up comedy is wrong? I mean if it offends you, don’t go to one such show. But that gives you no right to judge the people who do. I would do whatever the hell I want.
I am still trying to figure out what his problem was. If using obscene language was the problem, show me any part of media where it is not used. Just because you are a goody two shoes who does not curse, does not make you an angel who has the right to send people to hell. Oh wait… That is what the devil does na? Then what do angels do?
And I stopped conversation with that dude. I knew he was never going to listen to anything I have got to say.
Next part is even more fun. I talk to this girl who is a converted catholic. So conversation somehow steers to how I have had my fair share of experiences in life – both good and bad ones. Then she goes on to say that I have to be thankful to god because god put me in such a safe place. And god has kept me alive. That sort of pushed a button. Because I am pro-suicidal. As in a lot of times I have lost the will to live and even attempted to kill myself a couple times. Life has been more than just tough for me. And with the little amount of help I get back from the wonderful society I lose it. So I told her that I am not thankful that god has kept me alive. And god has certainly not kept me safe in my life. Not even once.
Then she said I have it much better than a lot of people. Which means I have to compare myself to people who are victims of war? Seriously? That should make me feel better? The final thing that did it was when she said that god makes things happen for a reason. God has a plan for me. God has written down stuff.
So if that is the case, god has been pretty sadistic while writing my fate. Seriously how much can go wrong in a person’s life yaar? Seeing me getting worked up the girl backed out saying she was trying to pacify me. I don’t know who gave her any idea that jesus could heal me. No offence to jesus… But my wounds are ones that are going to take more than just blind faith to heal.
I am no atheist. I love going to the temple. I am not against Christianity or Islam. I love to learn about these religions and their practices. For me God is like this friend who listens to me rant with a nice knowing smile. God is this favorite aunt you visit over the holidays. That one relative you just adore because they know your family is fucked up but they make you feel better. They cook up your favorite dish and make you happy. It is that grandmother who makes you feel calm. God is this little imaginary friend you have in your comfort zone.
That is what god is to me. I am not going to blame god for any unfortunate shit that happens to me. It just did. It hurts. Yes. But I am going on. I am trying to find my footing. I ask God to strengthen me. Not by granting some boon or anything. But by helping me calm the fuck down. That is all god will ever be to me.
Just because you have an opinion does not mean you have to thrust it upon someone. Sharing and discussing it on a forum is different. But saying “your thought process is wrong. mine is more right. you have to follow it and say yes to it” is just wrong on a lot of levels.
You have your beliefs and I got mine. I would like to stick to them. But please don’t push it on me.