Acceptance and Acknowledgement

Recently a guy I know was talking to me and this is how the conversation went.

Him(H) : so why are you leaving this job z

Me(M) : my physical and mental health is at a toss and I need to take care of myself.

H: what happened to your mental health?

M: oh I’m suffering from depression and anxiety disorder.

H: who isn’t? Everybody is…

M: I udid not diagnose this myself. A doctor did and according to them I have been suffering since the age of 13.

H: oh..

Now what is wrong in this conversation? Are you able to see how internet diagnosis is denying me my space to heal? Every time I have to tell someone that I have these things, it takes quite a bit of energy actually. But then people easily put me off saying everybody is depressed. First things first. Being sad and being depressed are two completely different things. You get sad over a break up, when you lose something, when things get tough. You get depressed when these situations alter the chemical balance in your body altogether and mess up the bodily functions.

You can get over being sad. When you become happy the whole episode of sadness is behind you. It is not easy but it is a valid solution. But depression needs proper medication, therapy, the need to find the root cause. It manifests is ways I don’t even know how to explain.

DO NOT DIAGNOSE YOURSELF FROM WHAT YOU READ IN THE INTERNET.

Also anxiety disorder. I was diagnosed with this after being bullied for 2 years in college. One blessed doctor found out and treated me. Thanks to him I finished college and came out of it alive. Along with that, the multiple sexual assaults have left me in an eternal state of fear. I honestly cannot explain every single time I feel uncomfortable by the single smallest action from a male. But once I notice that action I never let my walls down in front of them. I won’t even touch them or look them in the eye. Do not expect me to sit you down and explain all of this slowly and calmly. I am trying to calm my nerves in such situations most of the times. I get multiple panic attacks and anxiety attacks. Recently I realized I even stutter when I get very antsy. And my therapist explained to me that stutter need not necessarily be “ma…my n..na..am…” it could also be me repeating myself saying the same stuff in different ways. It got so bad I told my team that I have to quit before I bring them down with me. I’m more important to me right now.

I’m all I got.

These are symptoms and names I learnt from a qualified person who pointed it out to me. It was not from some internet blog or web MD. I was denied treatment when I needed it the most due to the same negligence.

Please don’t say that everybody is depressed and everybody goes through shit. Nope. Your tolerance to shit and my tolerance to shit is way different. Just like you handle your spices and I handle mine vary, these also change. So if someone says they might be depressed, take them to a doctor. Or if someone says they are depressed, ask them to go to a doctor. Like I mentioned earlier, it is not just being sad. It is a chemical imbalance in the brain that affects your body. It needs medication to change. Do not ignore someone’s plea. Do not take things easily.

This is a matter of life and death. Please educate yourself well before you become a self made doctor and treat someone’s mental issues. These are actual health problems just like how you won’t handle a syringe or an IV tube by yourself, think of these things the same way. You need to be qualified. You need to know these things.
I have been thinking that the right kind of education could have saved a lot of hassle for both me and my family. In fact the right kind of education could have saved a lot of lives too. It saddens me to say that such carelessness is considered to be manly. Let me tell you something. Showing and respecting emotions are not signs of weakness. In fact it is the opposite. I know men who are scared to show vulnerability and they end up bottling all their feelings. Never showing emotions is a bad thing.

Accept each and every aspect of being human. Only then can you try to live a proper life. Do not judge, do not jump to conclusions, do not mock. Every single one of us are fighting a battle that none of you know about. If you cannot respect it, the least you can do is acknowledge it and move out of their way so they can continue their fight without having to put up with extra bullshit!

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